@waytools, I believe I sense a couple of pitfalls in what you write.
Not doing what people want, isn’t helpful to your relationships.
First of all, I didn‘t write about doing what people want. I wrote about what you promised to people, and that‘s not necessarily coherent with what they want. Ideally I promise to deliver what people want from me, but sometimes what they want is more than I can possibly do for them.
When you establish a relationship, you do so by making promises (or, in other words, give a commitment, make a contract).
Over time, what people want may change. I‘m still obliged to deliver on my original promise, not on what people want. If I focus on what people want rather than what I decided to promise to them, I actually may end up distracted from delivering what I promised.
That said, promises can be be renegotiated and changed if both parties agree. Circumstances change, which may even make these renegotiations a necessity. In project management, this is institutionalized in organizational methods like SCRUM. Plus, I might decide to deliver what my partner wants now in addition to what I had promised. But that alone does not automatically relieve me from my responsibility to deliver on the original promise.
I currently work in my original profession as a physician. If I tried to always deliver on what people want from me, I would not be able to do my work - the service I decided to promise to deliver. I would hold hands, listen to people‘ life stories extensively, help them solve their personal problems, which may all be important and certainly needs to be done by someone - but I would not be able to provide medical diagnostics and therapy to them.
Second, building stable relationships is not about giving people what they want in the first place. It‘s about giving them what you agreed upon, and then what they need. People tend to want wore than they need and what you agreed upon, and if you strive to always deliver on that, you are bound to burn out and fail. As a matter of fact, you can yourself be that person who want s more than agreed upon in a relationship.
For example, if you enter parenthood, you may promise your kid to provide him everything that he needs to grow and develop in the best possible manner. That includes love, attention, education, food, shelter, boundaries. Now in contrast imagine you‘d always give your kid what he wants, no matter if it‘s good for him or not. You’d spend all your money, ruin your health, bust your job, and in the end you don‘t want to deal with the personality that develops on that basis later on. In that relationship it can be very helpful to occasionally not give your kid what he wants.
On the other hand, if you don‘t provide what your kid needs from you, he can‘t survive in your relationship.
Third, if you put your focus on what people want, you may end up interpreting expectations into them which don‘t exist. Since you are always concerned about other people’s expectations, you might project your own (over-)ambitions into them. That‘s a really nasty pitfall and can lead to again burn-out, failure - and then blame the other party for expectations they didn’t have.
So I would agree with the statements
- Not doing what people need isn‘t helping your relationship.
- Not doing what was agreed upon isn‘t helping your relationship.
- Not re-negotiating our commitments if needed isn’t helping your relationship.
The way you wrote it bears the pitfalls of getting distracted, trying to over-achieve, burning out, eventually fail, and then blame the other party for it.
There is no free pass to say you’re not on the hook to satisfy.
Again, pitfall: You are on the hook to deliver on your promise, NOT to satisfy. Your partner may not be fully satisfied with what you deliver, you yourself may not be fully satisfied. But if you deliver what was agreed upon and what is actually needed, the relationship will survive. You are on the hook for facts, not for interpretation of the facts by your partner or yourself.
You can make satisfaction part of your promise though (as is usually done in modern romantic relationships, for example). But that’s a little dangerous if you’re not aware of your partner’s expectations, i.e. his satisfaction threshold. That can go both ways: You may underestimate his expectations and fail on his acceptance, or you can overestimate and fail to deliver facts.
Not being in the TREG group, I would tend to believe the latter had happened: I would be perfectly happy to be using the Textblade since four years at the reliability level of any other bluetooth keyboard, and without Jump. The original promise I remember was that of a cleverly designed ultraportable keyboard, and you didn’t deliver on that promise.
Instead you extended your promise with features you believed your customers expect to be satisfied in the first place - which I believe simply wasn’t true at that time. Version 1.0 would have been a breakthrough in portable keyboards just like iPhone 1.0 was for portable phones. I also believe that TREGgers who use Jump and the new BT stack wouldn’t want to go back from that now - but no one using an iPhone XS would want to go back to the original iPhone either, which doesn’t make the original iPhone a failure in satisfaction at that time.
So my wish here is for you to focus on delivering facts to the people you promised them to rather than projecting a satisfaction threshold into your customers which doesn’t exist (or at least didn’t exist until you created it ), and then evolve on that basis with new promises that are likely to be kept.
...but you just keep working until that moment when they roar with approval for your success. Every player lives for that moment.
When we all retire from the bleachers to the bar, and reflect upon the game, the worthy moments of glory still exist, unvarnished. They cannot be created, nor destroyed, by spin. True achievements are immutable.
Let’s try to not play against all teams at the same time, but rather win one game after the other, OK? Would be nice to look back at several evenings at the bar instead of waiting for that single one